Google logs more than 200M searches a month for sex.
Around 60% of the population watches porn and the average age of first exposure is around 12.
This includes some Christians.
Not to mention how sexuality is used in marketing, everyday dress, and in how we express ourselves as humans.
Let’s be real. Sex is one of the most important and beautiful parts of being human.
It’s a god-given life force that is at the foundation of our healthy drive and ability to create. Sexual pleasure is also one of the most ecstatic and enjoyable experiences we can have.
Avoiding sex and sexual discussions in spirituality leads to shame, rebellion, and destructive habits.
Talking about healthy sexuality leads to healing, connection, health, and the removal of shame from sexual habits.
Unfortunately, due to a few passages in the bible the church and Christianity can be associated with a shameful view of sex.
Some people even find it awkward to discuss sexual topics in Christian or spiritual settings.
In this piece, we will go over some bible passages, Jesus’ take on sexuality, and create some thought provoking discussion on certain sexual issues to help each of us determine how we will develop our view on sex in the context of our faith and spiritual life.
What Does The Bible Say About Sex?
Let’s review a few of the main points and passages in the bible that discuss sex.
Genesis 2:24
God establishes sexual union as part of the marriage bond as man and woman becoming one flesh together.
Proverbs 5:18-19
Encouragement of enjoying physical intimacy with your spouse with joy and affection.
Song of Songs
A poetic celebration of romantic and sexual desire within committed love.
Leviticus 18
Lists sexual boundaries for the Israelites including prohibitions against incest, adultery, and exploitation.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Calls people of faith to flee sexual immorality reminding them that their bodies are temples of the holy spirit.
Hebrews 13:4
Honors marriage and warns against defiling the marriage bed through infidelity.
Basically, the bible mainly discusses the following points:
- Marriage as the union of man and women together
- Warnings against adultery, incest, exploitation, prostitution
- The celebration of sexual desire and ecstasy within committed love
- The difference between lust and love and how lust creates objectification
- How being single offers the opportunity to dedicate more time to the Lord
There are also a couple of passages that forbid homosexuality, but these really need to be interpreted in the context of what is of love and what is not from the heart of Christ.
What Did Jesus Say About Sex?
Now let’s take a look at any discussions with Jesus about sex in the bible.
To be honest, it doesn’t seem that Jesus discusses sex that often, but as is usually the case with Jesus, he discusses matters of the heart and sex is included in these matters.
The most important thing to remember is that Jesus came to help people realize true love and connection to God and others through him. He wasn’t concerned with rules or all-encompassing laws, but awakening love.
Matthew 5:27-28
Jesus taught that lustful intent was the same as adultery in the heart for those in committed relationships.
John 8:3-11
Jesus was loving and forgiving towards a lady who was caught in adultery not shaming or punishing.
Matthew 19:3-9
Jesus affirmed lifelong marriage but did allow divorce if there was sexual immorality.
I think something we can learn from Jesus is that holiness equals wholehearted love, not a chastity belt.
Jesus wanted to make us aware of the fact that sexual immorality and other destructive habits of the mind and body lead to a closing off of the heart and a lack of real connection with others.
That being said, he also offered love and forgiveness for people who were stuck in cycles of sexual immorality, not punishment or shame because we all have struggled with some of these issues at some point.
Sex Outside Marriage
First off, the bible leans towards sex inside marriage as a principle.
That being said, we need to be real here. In our modern world a majority of people are sexually active before or outside of marriage.
Yes, there are Christians and people of other faiths that commit to wait until marriage to have sex, and that is amazing and should be celebrated, but in this day and age those people are more in the minority.
That brings up the question: if we decide that we will be sexually active outside of marriage can we do this in a healthy way and still keep a good relationship with God?
Here’s some thoughts on how to walk that tension with awareness and care:
- Honor the person, not just the experience. Ask: Do I see this person as a soul or just a body for my own pleasure and gratification?
- Be radically honest about intentions, risks, and emotional expectations before you get it on.
- Use protection, not just physically (condoms, STI testing), but emotionally—set and maintain boundaries that prevent soul-ties you’re not ready for.
- Be aware of your patterns. If sex leaves you feeling emptier, anxious, used, or regretful, it’s time to check in with your heart and God.
- Don’t use sex to avoid pain or loneliness. This is where trauma can sneak in under the disguise of pleasure.
We can choose to honor God with how we show up sexually—even if you’re not married—by keeping love, respect, truth, and personal accountability at the center of your relationships.
Sexual pleasure is an amazing and enjoyable experience.
Just be aware that it can also create negative patterns if not done with care and respect.
And one last thing to keep in mind is to pray about this and determine with your intuition and heart towards God how you will approach sex in a healthy way if you decide to enjoy it outside of marriage.
What is Lust & How Does it Impact Union With God
Lust is defined as a strong, often excessive, desire or craving, particularly for sexual pleasure, but it can also extend to other desires like money, power, or even food.
It is often considered an unchecked or “unholy” desire that can lead to harmful consequences.
Lust isn’t the same as desire.
Desire is “holy”. God made our sex drive—and when it’s connected to real love, it becomes a powerful force for intimacy, creativity, and even worship.
Lust is desire detached from love.
It turns people into objects and moments into cravings.
It says, “How can I use you for my pleasure?” rather than “How can I make love to you and love and honor you as a whole person?”
Lust thrives in secrecy and fantasy. It feeds off isolation, instant gratification, and emotional avoidance.
Over time, it rewires the brain, dulling empathy and replacing connection with consumption. It becomes harder to feel genuine love, to experience intimacy, and to hear God clearly through the noise.
The Spiritual Cost of Getting Stuck in Lust
Spiritually, lust is a blockage. It numbs our soul’s sensitivity and shrinks our ability to receive and give true love and connection. We may still go through the motions of faith—but something feels off. This is feedback that we should be aware of.
What We Can Do to Heal Our Patterns of Lust
- See the whole person. When normal sexual attraction strikes, practice noticing the beauty of their body instead of just the sex impulse. Get to know them as a person outside of their body.
- Fast from fantasy. Limit visual triggers and mental reruns that fuel objectification.
- Redirect, don’t suppress. When lust arises, acknowledge it, then choose a higher focus: beauty, gratitude, prayer, service.
- Ask God into it to help you. Not to punish—but to walk with you as your heart rewires around love, not lack
- Connect more, not less. Isolation fuels lust. Real connection with friends, community, and creative outlets can channel your energy better and help you avoid falling into lustful patterns
I’d argue that desire and sex drive aren’t the problem—they are divine and beautiful. But without love, or channeled correctly, desire and drive can burn wild. Rooted in love, they become sacred fire.
At the end of the day lust is something that diminishes your ability to experience real genuine love and real genuine love is what God wants for everyone.
Porn: Reality & Rewiring
Let’s be honest—most people have watched porn, many starting at a young age.
If that’s you, there’s no shame here. You’re not broken or dirty, we all seek some form of pleasure. But if you’re trying to have a more connected, meaningful relationship with sex, God, or another person, it’s worth understanding what porn does under the surface.
Porn rewires the brain to crave intensity over intimacy. It often trains the mind to associate pleasure with pixels, performance, and constant novelty—rather than emotional closeness, trust, your partner’s beauty, or love.
Over time, porn can dull your empathy circuits, make it harder to connect with a real partner, and shift your view of others from “whole person” to “stimulus for gratification.”
It isn’t about being wrong or bad, it’s the fact that we were designed for so much more connection and love than porn offers to us.
If You Want to Change This Habit:
- Get curious: Why do I go to porn? Boredom? Loneliness? Stress? Can you find another outlet to help ease your stress?
- Take a break: even a short fast can help you reset how you feel attraction and arousal
- Fill the gap: replace screen-based pleasure with real-world connection, exercise, creativity, prayer, or rest
- Invite Grace & Open Up About Your Struggles: This is not about being “pure”—it’s about being whole. And Jesus is in the business of healing hearts, not shaming people.
Porn doesn’t need to define you. Your capacity for love is greater than your cravings. And freedom grows when you walk toward truth with gentleness and self compassion.
So if you are currently or have watched porn, no problem.
It’s just important to understand how it could possibly be holding you back from experiencing a more whole and genuine love.
Ultimately, I think God just wants us to be whole, alive, full of love, joy, fire, and goodness.
Habits created from excessive porn consumption may degrade the ability for this capacity.
What About Masturbation?
Again, let’s be real. Masturbation is a common and normal activity for us as humans to experience sexual pleasure.
Like anything else, it’s about the why, the how, and what it’s shaping inside you.
If you occasionally masturbate to relieve stress and experience pleasure and it doesn’t lead to unhealthy habits and a lack of connection in your life, then I think there should be no issues.
Masturbation can be a form of stress relief, body awareness, or even part of learning healthy sexuality.
But it can also become a pattern of using pleasure to avoid pain, escape emotion, or substitute real connection with fantasy.
It can lead to isolation, loneliness, a lack of motivation in your life, and a lack of connection to others and God over time.
The real question is:
Is this habit wiring me for love, intimacy, and wholeness—or just for isolation, dopamine, addiction, and escape?
A Few Things to Ask Yourself:
- What do I think about when I do it?
- Am I using this to numb loneliness or tension?
- Is this helping or hindering my ability to connect with others deeply?
I don’t think God is standing over us with a purity scorecard.
He’s inviting us into awareness, healing, and love. And he lets us decide if/when we want to make a change.
Masturbation isn’t the problem—mindless, compulsive disconnection is. And you’re not stuck. You’re learning and growing with him over time.
Thoughts on Gay Sexuality & Following Jesus
When it comes to LGBTQ identity, the church has often been more harmful than helpful.
Too many people have been shamed, exiled, or silenced for simply being honest about how they love or who they are.
But Jesus didn’t run from people—He ran toward them.
Many people experience same-sex attraction or gender identity questions as part of their natural wiring, not a rebellious choice.
And there are LGBTQ Christians who genuinely love God, seek His will, and live lives of integrity, faithfulness, and love. These stories matter. They’re real. And they deserve honor—not dismissal.
At the same time, we have to acknowledge that in our modern world of hyper-individualism and online identity construction, there could be some people who adopt sexual or gender labels out of confusion, pain, or a desire for control—not because it’s how they’re naturally made.
This is especially visible in some aspects of gender transitions done without care, trauma healing, or deep reflection.
That doesn’t make someone bad or evil—it just means we need to ask deeper questions: Am I changing out of love, truth, and self-understanding—or fear, hurt, or pressure?
Even in these cases, the response should be the same. Offering love and support for healing and acceptance not shame or shunning.
The Heart of It All
God calls every person—straight, gay, trans, celibate, married, questioning—to the same road: self-giving love, honesty, humility, and surrender to His transforming Spirit.
Let’s be clear: there’s no one-size-fits-all theology that can box in the mystery of human sexuality. But if your identity is leading you to more lasting love, peace, wholeness, and grace—you’re probably walking closer to Jesus, not further from Him.
Primal Drive: From Chaos to Creative Energy
Another key discussion in the sex and spirituality domain is our primal sex drive and desire.
Let’s not pretend: our sex drive is strong for a reason. It’s one of the most powerful forces God placed inside us. But like fire, it can either warm your life—or burn it down.
That deep desire you feel is sacred.
It’s the creative energy that drives intimacy, passion, and even purpose.
The key is what fuels it and where it’s pointed.
Left unchecked, it can lead to impulse, obsession, or regret. But when it’s harnessed in love, discipline, and spiritual maturity, it becomes a force that brings joy, depth, and connection.
Ways to Channel That Fire:
- Move your body: strength training, long walks, or cold showers can ground excess energy.
- Create something: use your intensity to build, write, serve, or design.
- Stay honest: bring your struggle into prayer, journaling, or trusted friendships—don’t bottle it.
Our sex drive is powerful and beautiful. The key is learning how to channel it correctly and use it within the context of real love and connection not addictive lust or objectification.
Conclusion
Yes, there are some shameful and negative associations in the church around sex, sexual expression, and the discussion of these topics.
It really shouldn’t be that way.
I think God and Jesus want us to experience the most amazing sexual ecstasy.
To make love, create inventions and families, and drive us towards goodness.
They just want us to do it safely, in the context of real love (not lust), and in a way that maintains health and integrity as people in the world.
If your sexuality and sex habits are leading to connection, love, health, and an ability to love God, others, and yourself then that’s what matters.
And if you need help working on some of these sexual habits that may not be creating your best life be sure to subscribe to our daily dose of encouragement in the Lord.
